Shell of an Angel
by Moony3003
Summary: Castiel is left broken and just about human. Dean does his best to help. Rated T to be safe. Tag to episode 5.21.


**Disclaimer:**Nothing of Supernatural belongs to me. Just playing in Kripke's sandbox. Again.

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Warning: Spoilers for episode 5.21 'Two Minutes to Midnight' and previous episodes. Haven't seen them, you might not want to read.

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A/N: Throughout watching this episode, I felt as though Castiel needed a hug. I also thought of two scenes while watching which are below. It's not really slash but I suppose if you wanted to read it that way, you could. Anyway, please read and enjoy!

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Shell Of An Angel

As soon as they returned Dean watched Sam go into the living room to inform Bobby of what had happened. Deciding not to join them, he went straight into the kitchen, getting a much needed drink from the fridge. After suffering through all those diseases, no matter how short a period it was, he knew something was needed.

Within moments of tearing off the cap and downing half of it at once, he heard the front door open and another person soon joined him. Castiel, the now humanish angel, approached the sink noiselessly before taking a glass off the bench and filling it with water from the tap.

"You know, a beer might go down better," said Dean, his eyes glued to what he could see of the angel's face.

He watched as the clean glass was raised to his lips and tipped slowly, a small sip being taken. "No... thank you," he sighed quietly.

Dean nodded slowly, taking another swig of his beer. For a moment Dean felt the tension build between them. He was unsure if Castiel noticed it at all but he knew he did. They may have sorted out what happened between them before but this was the first conversation since. And now, things were different again. They had pestilence's ring and were another step closer to having the keys and being able to put Lucifer back in his cage.

"So, uh, are you alright?" asked Dean hesitantly, remembering what Sam informed him about stupid questions.

Castiel still didn't turn his head. Instead, he opted to look at the dusty white blinds opposite him, glass of water still in hand.

"I'm fine, Dean," was the vague, gruff response.

Outwardly, Dean nodded, showing that he understood but deep down, he knew Castiel was lying. He might be out of his angel juice but Dean knew the concept of being able to lie convincingly still eluded him. But Dean didn't call him out on it, deciding that there would be a better time for him to tell the truth.

Clearing his throat, Dean broke the temporary silence. "Ah, look Cas, thanks... you know, for helping us out back there," he said quietly, not really wanting the two people in the other room to hear.

With a shake of his head Castiel dismissed it. "You would have done the same for me."

Silently, Dean nodded. It was true. He would do the same for Castiel. He was a friend. A light scoff sounded under Dean's breath. He never thought he would one day be saying that he had an angel as friend. But still, Castiel wasn't like the others. He was kind, free-thinking and independent, to a point. Though, that did make him feel a little guilty. If it hadn't been for him then the man before him wouldn't be just the shell of an angel.

Pushing the thoughts aside, Dean placed the almost empty bottle onto the bench, stepping closer to him. Extending an arm he reached towards him but pulled back at the last second, thinking the better of it. Instead, he rubbed the back of his head, momentarily enjoying the feel of his hair through his fingers.

Dean then opened his mouth to say something more but before he could, he was interrupted.

"Hey! Are you two planning on joining us any time soon or what?" asked Bobby, wheeling into sight.

Abruptly, Dean cleared his throat again loudly, startling Castiel, making him flinch which went unnoticed.

"Uh, yeah, be right there," said Dean, looking towards the other hunter, nodding slightly.

Bobby promptly turned the chair around and wheeled out of the doorframe, muttering something unintelligible under his breath. Dean clapped a hand onto Castiel's shoulder before turning, walking towards the door.

"Well, looks like grumpy is getting grumpier. Come on."

As Dean exited, Castiel nodded slowly before gently putting the glass into the sink. Sighing lightly, he turned and followed Dean into the living room and taking a seat behind him. The sound of a ring clinking onto the desk Bobby sat before as Dean threw it brought him back to the monstrous task at hand.

"Well, it's actually nice to score a home run for a change, ain't it...?"

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As the large bag of C4 landed heavily in the van Dean walked into view of the two packing it. From where he was packing the Impala of many things he might possibly need, he couldn't help but overhear the beginning of Castiel's woes. This wasn't his area but he needed to clear something up.

"Hey Cas? Can I have a word?"

The angel turned towards him and nodded, not moving much more. "Alone," Dean added, gesturing for him to follow. Finally understanding, Castiel followed Dean further into the yard, away from the Impala and the van as well as the two hunters around them.

"You're not useless, Cas," he blurted out instantly, unable to keep it to himself.

At once, Castiel turned away and began to walk in the direction of the van until Dean grabbed a handful of his trench coat and roughly yanked him back.

"No, Cas," said Dean firmly. "You wanted to talk about this. So, talk."

"This isn't your thing, Dean," he countered, trying to turn away but half-heartedly and failing.

"Look, I, no we, need your head in the game here," he said quickly. "I realise Bobby wasn't interested in hearing it but I am. Tell me," he added, his grip on Castiel still secure. Again, the angel tried to move away but Dean still held on. "Cas, look-"

"No, you look, Dean," snapped Castiel, wrenching himself out of Dean's tight grip, his voice loud and strong, sounding unlike his usual normal gruff tone. "I used to be an angel of God! I used to be happy! For millennia I lived in Heaven with my kin; my brothers and sisters and I was happy!"

Dean's eyes widened at the sudden explosion of words from Castiel's lips. The amount of anger and bitterness that lay underneath the calm and serene surface was surprising.

"I once had faith," continued Castiel, in the same tone. "Faith in my father, in my family but now it's gone and I'm basically human. I'm an empty, powerless angel in a vessel. What am I supposed to do!"

When Dean's brain finally clicked into place he blinked rapidly a few times and focused completely on Castiel. The angel's back was to him and only two words emerged from Dean's mouth.

"I'm sorry."

Castiel hung his head, sighing heavily, it almost coming out as a bitter chuckle. "For what?"

"If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have fallen and you wouldn't be here now."

"I don't blame you, Dean," he said, voice sounding rough and dry.

"Why not?" asked Dean instantly, frowning faintly in confusion.

"Because then most of the world would have already died," Castiel replied. "Lucifer would have his vessel and you would've had no choice but to say yes to Michael."

"Then if you can accept that you helped stop it, then why exactly are you angry?"

Castiel still kept his back to Dean and he sighed again, this time though it sounded broken, defeated and for reasons unknown it made Dean's chest constrict.

"I'm... I feel frustrated," he said, his voice barely audible. "Ever since banishing those angels and myself I haven't felt like... myself. It... it hurt and as I said, I'm basically human. Before I was able to help but now, I'm useless towards this mission of stopping Lucifer. I don't know how to be human, Dean." Castiel paused for a second before concluding. "I'm scared. Scared and powerless."

Dean thought for a moment, trying to get his head around the angel's words. Licking his lips slowly, Dean approached him. "You're not useless, Cas," he repeated. "Not to me, not to Sam, not even to Bobby. Whatever happens we'll get through together and I mean, together. Besides, we can teach you how to be human. Just do what we do. It's easy."

"Becoming human is fate worse than death..."

"Really?" asked Dean challengingly, his voice edging on anger and animosity. "If you really believed that they why not end it yourself or better yet kill us? We're human, Cas and we manage just fine! If you thought this mission was hard when you were a full angel then it's gonna be a hell of a whole lot harder now. I hate that you think becoming like us the worst possible thing that could happen to you."

Silence fell between them and Dean took a deep breath, calming himself down before he said anything else that could be worse than what he just said. After a moment, Dean opened his mouth to apologise again but Castiel beat him to it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..."

The sound of Dean moving against the gravel made Castiel trail off. But Dean didn't leave. He stopped at his side and gently forced Castiel to turn the rest of the way and face him.

"You stupid son of a bitch," Dean growled, grabbing the front of Castiel's trench coat and pulling him into a hug. Immediately, Castiel tensed and didn't move, prompting Dean to press his hands against the angel's back to emphasise his point. "A hug goes two ways, Cas," he whispered.

He felt Castiel nod before hands were felt against his back. It was hesitant yet firm. Dean breathed in deeply, momentarily closing his eyes. A faint smell reached him and he realised it was Castiel. A small feeling of surprise ran through Dean. He never noticed if Castiel had a scent or not before. But it was pleasant. It was like soap and a faint fruity scent he couldn't remember.

After a few more silent moments, Dean patted him on the back softly a few times before pulling back. Catching the angel's eye he spoke so only Castiel could hear him.

"You're needed here," he said quietly. "I need you here. Please believe me when I say that you're not useless. Think you can do that?"

The reasons of why Dean needed him were unclear but Castiel nodded slowly, showing that he at least understood the rest. "Thank you, Dean."

"You're welcome," said Dean, clapping Castiel on the shoulder for the second time, feeling a little embarrassed about the feelings talk. "Now, let's finish packing so you can stop the zombie invasion."

Without any more words, Castiel nodded and both of them shared a faint smile before walking back to the cars together. As they all finished packing, they all came together in a small circle, at first unsure of what to say.

Dean looked to his brother and nodded slowly, eventually finding something. "Alright well, good luck in stopping the whole zombie apocalypse..."


End file.
